New Blog!!

This one is going bye-bye!!! causing me too many nightmares!

http://omcrumbs.wordpress.com/

big deal!

People who change you

Sometimes I feel like my first book should be about the people in my life that have changed me. In good ways and bad my travels have allowed me to have conversations that sometimes simplify, change, validate or tilt my way of thinking. One of those amazing people is my friend Danica. 'Neeks (as I call her) is that visionary- hard hitting business women I have always dreamt of being. She has a presence (and beauty) that can make a room (or baseball field) stand still and want to do their very best at the same time. She has the ability to give criticism, compliments, feedback and amazing advice in every and any moment. 'Neeks is a decision maker, a leader, a changer and a believer. I don't ever leave a conversation with her without feeling inspired, changed or like something inside me has been shifted. When she asked me to play on our company softball team this summer I remember I felt like I had been nominated for an Academy Award...you know that feeling, when someone you really admire gives you a speck of responsibility, like a test to see if you can live up to the standards they've set in their mind for you (or they just needed another girl.. it is company softball after all). I'm not quite sure if she ever realized what it meant that she asked...or that I said yes not realizing I would have to go back to the only position that scares the crap out of me (3rd base, and it only scares me because the only time in my short life I have had to have mouth surgery- 8 needles of freezing fluid- is when I was hit in the mouth with a baseball and lost my front tooth...which ironically only made me fit in more in my hometown- love you Georgetown). Even more stressful (in my mind) was that I would be playing right next to her. Just to give you a little background Danica is one of Australia's (most competitive) well rounded softball players, she is still a powerhouse on the field and still makes you wonder that if she rang Team Australia they would be begging her to come back and take a starting position. With more awards and accolades then I will ever know, she's one of those people that you thank God is on your team let alone standing right beside you. There was a time in my life that i thought that my heart had been removed and somehow a softball had taken its place...I lived and breathed the sport, it was in my blood, it carried me through my post secondary education and until recently it was one of only a few things that reminded me of the competitive gene that fueled the early morning practices and the weekend tournaments for a short 17 years.

For most of the season I had done the unthinkable. I had psyched myself out of playing next to 'Neeks. I created empty expectations, false pressure and amped myself so much that every time a ball was hit to me my entire arm tensed up like I was flexing for the world to see my (almost) Kelly Ripa arms. Poor Jay-Z (unfortunately and fortunately not actually Jay-Z) our first baseman. I must have thrown every other ball at his feet or about a meter and half to his left or right. And every time I did a picture of my father putting his hands in face would appear, or 'Neeks would fall silent. For those of you still with me you have finally made it to the climax (twss). In the 2nd inning of last night's game I dropped the story. I realized that this nervousness/ insecure attitude I associated with hopping on the field beside a person I admire, love and respect was replacing my love for the sport. I played baseball for fun last night and still managed to feel competitive again. I stopped setting an imaginary standard and played baseball because I love it. I've always loved it. The pressure that I had carried from childhood all the way up through my teenage years until now seemed to melt away through my cleats. I participated in life last nice not wondering or caring what people thought. I began to realize what make 'Neeks so successful and such a beautiful person. She listens to her voice, she carefully combines logic and her own opinion and subtracts any question that she is incorrect. She says, does and feels the right/best thing in that moment...sometimes so quickly that I haven't even drawn a conclusion and she's already half way through another perfctly worded gem of advice that makes me feel so blessed to know her ever second I'm near her.

So this post is for 'Neeks. For all the conversation behind West 4th, in my truck and in the "dug out". So glad to have you in my life for more reasons then I'll ever be be able to put into words.

Making room for possibility

I could never relate to people who were obsessed with money. I remember always observing how associates of mine would either spend frivolously or go the other way and panic that they didn't have enough. I always knew I would never become one of those people. It wasn't until last week when I was sitting down talking to a friend that it dawned on me that I had become one of my worst fears.
I started walking into work- walking into life actually, with a disconnect that I never known I was capable of. After moving to Vancouver, and going through a hard life lesson and an adjustment period which left me in a "less than ideal" financial state something inside me shifted. I began to lose myself a little, the anxiety and sense of panic that often accompanies money troubles benched me. All of a sudden I had gone from being the leading scorer in my life to the kid that sits on the end of the bench hoping the coach doesn't call her name. It didn't stop there, I stopped taking risks, my confidence had plummeted and I was no longer reaching for my goals, nor living a balanced life. I was losing sleep, my appetite and began working through breaks so I wouldn't break down at work.

My good friend pulled me aside and essentially had an intervention. I cried, we laughed, we drank tea and I listened (that's right friends, I shut my mouth long enough to listen). Here's what came out of it:

By letting money consume my life, it was almost like i put blinders on to what was going around me. I was missing my amazing relationship, I was missing the thinks I love about my job, I missed yoga and most of all I had lost that special sparkle that was and is me.

No I haven't won the lottery, in fact I am in no better financial shape today then I was a few days ago (probably a little worse actually). The change is in the possibility. I have stopped living in that feeling of fear. I had to. There was no room for the possibility of anything bigger or better by living that way. I wasn't put on this earth to be a shell. I am here to inspire, coach, create and change and as long as I keep do that...and living in that nothing but greatness can happen.

The possibilities are endless when we decide to act and not react. It is important not to live in limitations, our participation in life is what creates and grows opportunity.

Rainy days bring out the best goals....

Hi again, it's me. I have decided that I love to blog and I don't do it nearly enough. I could make excuses and say I don't have the time...but in life if you love something you always make time. On a rainy day a couple of weeks ago I created a goal circle in my house. Let me explain. in the movie Tenacious D and the pick of destiny (starring the always adorable Jack Black...and the other guy) the band creates a circle in their living to create a song. The proceed to both jump in the circle and while one furiously plays different riffs the other tries to look for the 'meat' of the song. In the movie it doesn't go well but makes for a good laugh. In my life it did go well. After years of reading epic books, going on amazing trips and meeting some astounding people, I have decided that my calling is to write about it. To tell you about the experiences I've had, the adventures I have been on and pieces of what i took from the amazing people I've met. This is a goal I've always had and wanted to pursue but had been too afraid up until this point. I was always under the impression that if you didn't have a salary job and a couple of degrees to back it up then you weren't really of any value. I have seen that in the past year as I have struggled here in Vancouver to find what I really want. I really had to spend some time with some amazing people like Caro Roper, Adam Millard, Katie Muphy, Emily Taylor, Chlow Gow-Jarrett, Jacqueline Jennings and Christine Tetrault. These people have made me realize a lot about myself, my goals, my life and what direction I am putting myself in. Which brings me to my second realization...Lululemon is the right company for me. Coming here to pursue goals at the SSC was a scary move (one I'm still experiencing), the amount of growing and learning I have done in the last 8 months has been a journey like no other. i will continue to grow with this company, with newly established goals and a strong support system of amazing people that far exceed the list in this post. I am looking forward to reaching out to the community with the Manifestival this July, starting my Guerilla Yoga company with Brenda and continuing to learn to listen so my 'growth' isn't as painful.

Get excited people. Oli has finally arrived.

It's time to love yourself

Hi again- So I was flipping through the channels the other day and stumbled upon the latest Oprah episode. I should mention that i am not a religious Oprah watcher, in fact I have only seen one entire episode (when Author Elizabeth Gilbert sat down to talk about her epic story- Eat, Love, Pray). I was about to continue my search for something to watch when I something caught my attention. Oprah called out an audience member, asking her why she was crying. The woman replied "I'm doing this to my daughter", I continued to listen to this woman explain that her young daughter (7?) had told her that she didn't want to wear tights because she had fat thighs. Oprah turned to the lady she was interviewing (Author Ganeed Roth- Women, Food, and God) and waited to hear her response...I listened. Ganeen began talking about how unkind we are to ourselves. How we often spend the better part of our lives obsessing over those "last ___pounds". She continued talking about our relationship with food, rather than being the curse, and rather than being the thing that you want to get rid of, is, itself, the doorway to the life you most want. She added comments about loving yourself, and accepting todays version of you rather than the vision of what you should or could be that sits and taunts you day in and day out.

This brought me to an epiphany this morning while talking to my manager at Lululemon, she mentioned that she wanted to do something really outrageous in the community, something that would really get people talking. At that moment this little Oprah snippet pooped back into my head. I quickly collected my thoughts and came up with the idea of having a "festival" of sorts, one that celebrates the person you are today (which includes- but is not limited to- all of the failures, successes, dreams and flaws that make you you). I quickly grabbed a scrap of paper and let the vision start flowing from my heart through my pen..., I started thinking of what I would like to see on a day just celebrating me! Yoga was a natural first (perhaps one catered to men! or a yoga trance dance!), from there ideas of having a speaker introduce goal setting (goaltender portion of the Lululemon website), live local music, chair/thai massage, naturopaths, a nutritional cooking demonstration, selected books for sale/trade, vision boards for children and adults, facials from lush, mani/pedi's from local businesses, a new take on a photo booth celebrating who you are today! (similar to the Dove campaign- thanks Jenny), burlesque demo's and lessons, something with flowers (this one's sort of a blur...i just really love flowers)...too many ideas to list!! i want this to be a day to nourish the spirit. A day to silence the little voice...the judgment. It was Elizabeth Kubler Ross who said "People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within". I want this day to be about that inner light.

So what i am asking from you...my most beautiful friends and family members is for your support and ideas! I am setting a goal of doing this in July and would love to enroll as much of my Lululemon and Ivviva family as possible.





Want to see what got me stoked???

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Geneen-Roth-Talks-About-Women-Food-and-God/3

Life and learning...

so here we are again, I took a little detour in life (and from running) to get my head on straight, I've had to make some hard decisions in the past month, including deciding on what path is really right for me (at this point in my life). The first things I addressed were things that I am passionate about in my life, things like teaching yoga, my personal fitness goals, my career etc. While I was pressing the pause button on my life 3 major things happened. The most important person in my life emailed me telling me that she was diagnosed with cancer, one of my favorite people is moving out of my life (temporarily but still a little soon for my liking) to pursue one of his big goals and a great friend and co-worker took me aside to knock some sense into me. I mention this because I find it ironic how often when opportunities come flying at you and life is so chaotic and you've created this internal stress and 'disconnect' that stops you from REALLY living (and sleeping!) you can not only miss what's actually going on in the present moment but something like these 3 events can rock you so hard that it freezes you in every sense of the word. It also seems to automatically make all the answers (that were covered in mud a week ago) appear clearer than they've ever been, and on top of that adds a perspective that was waiting to be discovered.

In the past week I have let my body and mind let 'me' back in. I see more clearly than ever that Yin is what I am most passionate about teaching, I see that building a real community though my work is where I feel the most satisfaction. I feel confident in my ability to be a powerful leader and coach to many people including myself. I am optimistic in my growth as a professional and a partner. I feel bigger and have cleared away the limits I was putting on myself.

Expect to see more rants and funny stories to come as a pursue another goal of being a published adventure/travel writer. Thank you so much to everyone who continue to push me to move beyond mediocrity.



I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.
Dr. Seuss

dear running...do you sort of miss me? i think about you often...luv oli...day #7

Weight: 161 lbs
Goal: 140-145lbs
Difference: 16lbs-21lbs

So running and i got into a fight and we decided to see other people for the last week. Which translates to: I hyperextended my knee in Hanuman asana (i.e. Monkey Pose....or "the splits"). So the Doc prescribed lots of 'rest' and to try and not straighten my leg for a week. For those of you have never had this injury I encourage you to attempt to not straighten your leg for a day, or even an hour (it's almost impossible), and ps 'doc' the word "rest" is not in my vocab. We Dutkowski (and Taylor) women do not rest. I once watched my mother drive me to 2 practices, go to work, rock a boot camp and own her volleyball game the day after she got a line drive to the jaw from a dude on her work softball team (which she still pitches for). Pulease. Rest. Ha. Pffft.

So for the last week I did my version of resting, which still included walking to work (some days), 2 cruiser bike rides (my leg was bent), a stint in the sauna and 5 yoga classes. I'm feeling better and looking forward to the okay from Dr. Whatchamacallit to run this week.

I do have something I would like to get off my chest regarding the birthplace of my campaign against running; Vancouver's beloved Seawall. Jake & I hit the seawall Sunday for our usual cruiser bike ride (if you're not already doing this you should be!), which includes bringing our cameras, traveling at a leisurely pace while being considerate of other cruisers, rollerbladers, scooter riders (?) and unicyclists. We also commit to the etiquette of the seawall which includes riding behind one another, ringing your bell when passing or (gently) alerting the person we're passing that we are coming up behind them on the left. While riding on Sunday I couldn't help but notice the amount of people riding for fitness (not leisure), ladies and gents here's a little news flash: On weekends there is an huge increase of people which include many young families and tourists WHICH dramatically increases the number of 'BEGINNERS'. Which means when we are near the 'one way' section of the seawall (which is there as a result of it being TOO NARROW to pass because of the giant rocks and trees protruding from our gorgeous landscape), we should probably think about taking it down a notch from the mach 10- olympic trials that I saw this weekend. Jake and I were caught behind a beginner rollerblader (you know the one I'm taking about; skin tight jeans rigid to the point you are questioning whether she is suffering from rigamortis from the waist down...hunched over, hands out, no pads, no helmut, continuing to question why she chose this to be her Sunday activity and how to make it end sooner without throwing herself into the bay...similar to the way I feel about running). Out of no where this couple comes flying around the (BLIND) corner behind us and yells "TO THE LEEEFFFFFTTTTT!!!" I hear tires skid behind me, i watch Rhonda Rollarblade in front of me lose her balance (Side note for those of you who have driven with me- i did not hit her, she was startled and fell, however I did laugh. Hard.) This couple almost slammed into me and Jake and then had the audacity to stare us down like it was our fault. Ladies and Gentlemen I encourage you to follow this rule: On weekends do not expect to ride your bike on the sea wall for fitness unless it is ear;y in the morning or later in the evening. it is not time for time trails for the next Tour de France in the middle of the nicest Sunday Vancouver's seen in awhile. It's not safe, but it does make for a good story.

i strongly dislike running...but am open to the possibility of liking it..day #6

Weight: 164 lbs
Goal: 140-145lbs
Difference: 19lbs-24lbs
Distance: 7.0k 1 hour (Ran- 40 minutes/Walk- 20 minutes)

After taking a few days of much needed rest due to a minor injury to my right knee, I woke up this morning anxious to hit the seawall for my now 'usual' Monday run. I knew todays run would be a challenge, for today would be first time I would be running alone. After suiting up (and realizing I left my Ipod at work) I made my way downstairs and began my warm up jaunt down to the seawall. I found myself being more conscious of my breath and the positioning of my joints on top of one another. I stopped at the shore to stretch out my legs and let the little voice in my head get all its 'logical' reasoning (for me not to run) of its chest; No one would know if I walked an extra minute, or if i turned around early, or if i just quit now and go back to bed...after all i am going to do yoga today...i'll eat well...maybe i'll just walk today..

After the 'stories' subsided I started running, with no music and no excuses, just the sound of my breath. As I started my first kilometer I started to notice some familiar faces jogging towards me, most shared that welcoming smile seawall runners seem to have (which I admit made a piece of me feel like I was becoming part of their world). As I continued I started to think about how running was a lot like yoga. I started remembering my first class and how I was confused and watched my body find anyway to make it easier because I was so afraid to challenge myself. I remembered about how once I learned how to breath I became so much lighter. So that's what I did. I treated running like yoga today. I focussed, I smiled, I modified if I needed to but made sure I challenged myself when I could. I set small realistic goals and pushed myself to my limits to get there. I still almost stepped on 3 birds and a squirrel, but more importantly I didn't let that little voice win.

More to come

I hate running...day #5

Weight: 165 lbs
Goal: 140-145lbs
Difference: 20lbs-25lbs
Distance: 6.0k 1 hour (Ran- 30 minutes/Walk- 30 minutes)

Well here we are again, after a busy week (and a brief meeting with the food poisoning fairy) Jake and I hit the seawall wednesday morning with fire in our belly. It took slightly less coaxing given that we missed Monday (and by missed I mean skipped- not to be confused with actually 'missing running'). As began our jaunt I already felt a slight tweak in my right knee which caused Jake and I to turn around prematurely and walk back. As much as I completely detest the physicalness of running I do like the change it is causing in my body and energy level- It has also been very cathartic in many ways for both Jake and my relationship as well...so needless to say I was a little disappointed when my knee called out to me to stop. After we got back and I headed into work I immediately went to the experts (i.e. everyone that works at the Lemon), I was told that my hamstrings and quads need to be stretched more, I have some imbalances in my feet and muscles and that I need to be making sure that I am using my whole foot to run. Now what this sounds like in my head is "For the love of everything that is holy Oli- Quit running". I can assure you that this will not be the case, for as much as I hate this pastime, all the feelings associated with being out of breath and what I call the 'giggle factor'....I am not a quitter. I am at the point where I feel like I haven't really ran yet... my plan is to run 10k (without walking) so I can actually form an opinion on whether I actually 'hate' running. I will rest up the knee and keep walking to work and resume the quest this Saturday. Don't worry friends...the flame is still alive (its just been sprayed with lactic acid, cramping, wheezing and muscles spasms)

i hate running...day #4

Weight: 165 lbs
Goal: 140-145lbs
Difference: 20lbs-25lbs
Distance: 8.0k 1 hour (Ran- 40 minutes/Walk- 20 minutes)

I admit day four came faster than I had expected, however I woke up with a renewed energy (and a slightly smaller Ganglion Cyst after carefully pounding it down with the Gita to flatten it out- jk). i have definitely been feeling the effects of running all over my body and was looking forward to seeing how far we could push ourselves this morning. As we started our trek I could already notice an increase in our initial pace and a slight decreases in excuses, complaints and time checks. We worked a couple run for 3 minute walk for 1, but overall stuck to the plan of the 2:1 ratio given that the giggle factor that often discourages me was still very much present on the lower half of my body. I was very surprised to see that I could maintain the pace we started with, and was smiling ear to ear when we passed the 7k mark. Near the end of the run I almost felt as though I probably could have gone a little further (don't tell Jake). No real 'Snow White' moments regarding the wildlife of Stanley Park (whom I genuinely believe are trying to impede upon my progress). A friend suggested that since starting this challenge that I should set a goal of running the Sun Run next year or doing an Iron Man or some crap like that. As a person who loves to inspire I will consider possibly running in something someday...however my short term goals with running currently include; running without thinking about throwing myself onto rocks when we try and jog up any minor incline and not wanting to give up every 4-6 seconds. So let's me patient fans. Who knows I may surprise you.

i hate running...day #3

Weight: 165 lbs
Goal: 140-145lbs
Difference: 20lbs-25lbs
Distance: 7km 1 hour (Ran- 35 minutes/Walk 25 minutes)

Well here we are again, day three. After almost tripping over 3 pigeons (and what i thought was an albino duck), Jake and I began are quest to conquer the seawall (and by conquer the seawall I mean my size 6 jeans). We began around the crack of noon (it would have been earlier but I had about 40 excuses methodically laid out), we ended up going the same distance (3.5km) in less time! which was great! when we turned around for the other half of our 'marathon of hope'...it hit. Please if you are not sitting down you may want to.

Katie Murphy (Kitsilano's running & food expert expert to the stars i.e. me) informed me that I have developed what is called a ganglion cyst (also known as a Bible cyst which comes from a common urban legend that treatment in the past has consisted of pounding on the cyst with a Bible or another large book) on the front of my shin. Fear not fans...it essentially looks like a little bruise (but packs a punch when grazed by one of the 400 tame animals that leap out of Stanley Park- trying to sabotage my quest for fitness). Side note; right around the time I noticed the cyst I couldn't help but also notice my calves had seized to the size of apricots.

So let me paint a picture...Jake and I are half way around the seawall and I'm walking like I haven't gotten off a horse in about 26 years...there's animals everywhere...some odd photo-shoot involving a girl in a small bikini, and a guy trying to pass me on a unicycle. Mayhem. Why am I doing this again?

More to come.

i hate running....day #2

Weight: 167 lbs
Goal: 140-145lbs
Difference: 22lbs-27lbs
Distance: 7km 1 hour (Ran- 40 minutes/Walk 20 minutes)

So day two, I peeled myself out of bed a little early (to ensure that I had some recovery time before work)...we started on our adventure, continuing with the 2 minute/1 minute routine we committed to. Today was noticeably a bit easier, its seems as though I am developing a bit of 'style'. I still get a little discouraged (and mentally give up about 6 times), Jake is really awesome about being patient and not taking any of my excuses (or pleas for a break). I wouldn't say I'm anywhere near to actually 'liking' running...I think I am entering the hopeful/tolerating stage. The view and wildlife around the seawall almost cancel the feeling of exhaustion and impossibility. something i have noticed is the wildlife in Vancouver is dramatically different then that of Toronto. Since moving here I have almost stepped on 3 skunks, 4 raccoons, 2 squirrels and I am convinced if I put my hand out a finch will more than likely land on it. I feel like Snow White with dreads. More to come.

i hate running day #1

Weight: 168 lbs
Goal: 140-145lbs
Difference: 23lbs-28lbs
Distance: 6km 1 hour (Ran- 40 minutes/Walk 20 minutes)

So day one is behind me...thank god. Despite asking Jake every 5 seconds (for the first 15 minutes) when it was time to walk I think I did okay. It was easier then I thought it would be at the beginning- although once we got really into a few of the inclines I debated throwing myself into the ocean...and a pile of rocks...and into a pile of wood. I started feeling everything jiggle (which is what I hate most about running), although because I was running with someone at a pace where we could still chat I feel like it diverted my attention (periodically). All in all I feel energized and looking forward to my next run, I think. I have also began changing my eating habits and will include my challenges and opportunities as a forgo my transformation into the best physical version of myself.

i hate running......

So i was walking across the burrard bridge on my way to work...i couldn't help but notice the fresh breeze coming off the ocean..the moon still peeking out behind the clouds...when all of a sudden i was almost trampled by 40 or 50 'runners'. Now I should tell you since moving to Vancouver I have avoided running at all costs (which is ironic because the first yoga class i taught was 'yoga for runners'). I have made up every excuse from being too out of shape, too being bored and overall just not interested in running (unless it was away from something). After discussing my concerns with a few friends I have decided that maybe I haven't given running a fair chance. They assured me that once I started a regular routine that I would love it...and be a full addict. So I have decided to challenge myself and give running a fair try...so Friday March 19th I will start voluntarily being out of breath, sweaty and cold, achy and disoriented for an hour a day. That's right, Friday I will start to 'run' (ahem- walk/run to start of course). I will be sure to document everything so you too can live my pain.

luv
Oli